Ladies and germs, welcome back to The 5th Element. This week taught me a lot. A hell of a lot, really. Things not to do, how new things can be trashed, and how video games can become great once again. Interested? I’m sure you are. Here are the five things I learned in wrestling this week.
5. WWE 2K14 would probably be the second greatest wrestling game ever.
Who are we kidding, right? The 2K series’ have been so good. NFL 2K5 and the NBA 2K series has created great games that have incredible modes like Franchise mode, online leagues, and an in depth create a player mode. Could we possibly get these things from TakeTwo taking over the franchise? I really hope so. Imagine doing an ONLINE WWE Universe mode or an ONLINE franchise with a wrestler of your choosing? Imagine having a WWE Dynasty mode? I am a huge fan of franchise’s/dynasty/connected careers so I am clamoring for a mode like this. Besides, 2K has really good graphics and I think the gameplay will rival the wrestling games from the N64 days. Which would really bring a nice nostalgic touch for us reaching and hoping for that. New age Twitter Battle Royals.
I’m looking at you, Martin.
4. Continuity is nonexistent anymore.
Imagine, for a second, that you are a product of the 90’s. Every storyline was branched in some way, shape, or form. Superstars that feuded in the 80’s brought that back into the 90’s and vice versa. The Monday Night Wars were filled with continuity and, I think, that is what we enjoyed during that era. You could see two wrestlers have an amazing feud and could continue it years down the road. Not even feuds but injuries. Injuries used to be so good to sell because they would last a long time. Remember Stone Cold’s knees? People attacked those for years and he still sold them like it just happened. You’re probably wondering where I am going with this and I will tell you.
Vince McMahon, the man behind the WWE’s mystique, does not even know how to sell continuity.
At the press conference Monday to announce that New Orleans would be hosting Wrestlemania XXX (which a porn star needs to appear at because it just fits) he walked on stage, no crutches, to deliver a speech to board members and stock holders. Monday night, however, he was on the TitanTron with crutches selling his hip injury. Now, I understand that you have to sell more on television but you could have TRIED to sell at the presser. Not even so much as limp for Vince. Another issue with continuity is John Cena and CM Punk. Punk told Cena that Cena has never beaten him.
There. John Cena has defeated CM Punk. That was the first of many. Now, the smarks might say “Well, he hasn’t beaten Punk since he cut ‘The Promo’” which is a valid point… if I was retarded. If you make a statement that defining, make sure there isn’t video evidence to debunk your theory. Continuity in wrestling is so important because we, as wrestling fans, might not remember what we ate for breakfast or what we did this weekend but we remember what happens in wrestling. It’s a gift… but pretty damn awesome.
3. Someone is about to get the Kofi Kingston treatment…
Jack. Swagger. How in the world do you allow this to happen? You are on the cusp of the biggest push you and your incredibly bad lisp will ever see and you do this. You are caught with a DUI AND you have marijuana on your person. At least when Randy Orton smokes, he doesn’t get caught… by the police anyways. This has to be the most irresponsible, dumb, and selfish move a wrestler could ever do. They have you in a controversial storyline where you have news outlets talking. They place you with one of the greatest mouth pieces to ever grab a microphone. They give you a win over Jericho, Orton, Bryan, Kane, and Henry. They give you the world and you light it up.
Ha… there’s a weed joke there.
Seriously, man, don’t do this. You’re done in the WWE. Give it time and you will be in TNA teaming with Kurt Angle remaking The World’s Greatest Tag Team. If Jack Swagger still has a job and he still gets this push, then WWE’s “Wellness Policy” is a scam and WWE will be the laughing stock of wrestling. I mean, they kind of are already, but they bring money. Money talks. But hey… At least in TNA, Rob Van Dam can show you how to not get caught with the ganja on you.
2. Movies and wrestling don’t mix. Please stop.
I don’t care about a movie with The Rock in it. Seeing him in these trailers is not going to make me pay 10 bucks to see a movie where he is a snitch or he is in GI Joe. I don’t care about a movie trailer that Wade Barrett is in and I don’t even see him once. The movie looks good but I don’t care. If I wanted to watch a movie I’d go through my vast movie collection or I’d turn on Netflix. Also, I don’t want to see the co-stars (main stars, I lost track) of a movie with The Rock in it. If I wanted to see actor interviews, I’d watch Inside The Actor’s Studio or Entertainment Tonight. I want to see wrestling, dammit. Don’t play with my emotions on Mondays. I already have to stay up late to watch it.
Some of us have to work in the morning.
1. Change is good.
I like the new WWE Championship belt. It’s different, it’s interesting, and it is pretty awesome (except for the bulls on the side). My @4CRADIO cohort Martin said it looked like a NFL or NBA championship ring on our latest podcast (I took that over, by the way) and I agree. He said it should be stuck on someone’s finger. I see his point but if that is the case, imagine it like a BIGGER version of it. Championship rings mean a lot to the team that wins them. They work hard, they strive for them, and they cherish them. I think that is the idea they might want to bring to this championship. Like a larger than life championship ring. It’s a hell of a lot better than that damn spinner belt, anyways. Either way you look at it, I like it. And the IWC hates it.
And I hate the IWC.
Corporate Champ. @hailmegatron . Do you follow what Ant is tweeting?