From Cybertron With Love S1E3: Imitation is The Sincerest Form Of Battery

 From Cybertron With Love

Season 1: Episode 3

Imitation Is The Sincerest Form Of Battery



[This episode of From Cybertron With Love is inspired and brought to you by “Imitation Is The Sincerest Form Of Battery” by Every Time I Die]

Well, it seems you’ve made it back in one piece. It’s been a while since I’ve allowed you to come back to Cybertron but it seems necessary now. While looking over the wrestling world I have been pretty pleased with what I have seen. Recently, however, there has been one… promotion that has really irritated me. It’s a collection of things that they have done that made me really cautious of them. This promotion has been around just as long as Ring Of Honor and the only reason they have had so much success is of money being thrown in a deep well. What is this promotion that has got me upset and disgusted?

TNA. Or Impact Wrestling. Whatever they’re calling themselves anymore.

we’ve sacrificed discourse at the feet of your clever turn-of-phrase.
now you owe it to us, we demand to be taken aback,
to be showed the revival of hope, for which your words are responsible.

TNA has a problem that they can’t seem to fix. Well, they actually have a lot of problems. One of them is that they have an incredibly talented roster and has no idea what to do with it. They have the likes of Samoa Joe, AJ Styles, Austin Aries, Bobby Roode, etc and they don’t know what to do with them. They leave them in limbo half of the time and they have pointless matches. It’s a small issue that I have with TNA but it translates to the bigger product. Instead of using these talents, they have guys like Wes Briscoe and Garrett Bischoff on TV taking up time with Aces and Eights.

Oh, Aces and Eights.

Can someone tell me the point of Aces and Eights anymore? Are they supposed to be intimidating? Ken Anderson is their VP and he alone makes me hate this group. Before we knew who the VP and President were, it was interesting. We wanted to know who was behind the group (even though we already kind of knew because TNA is really predictable) and now that it has all been revealed I have no interest in this group. It’s one of the things in TNA that just needs to go away.

Instead of releasing talent that could be used on the roster.

the affected are banking on oblivion in the drone of embittered hope,
and we’re sold by the way they wrote it.

TNA, recently, had this spurt where they released a lot of talent from their roster. Tara, DOC, Matt Morgan, and one that got a lot of people upset which was Jesse Sorensen. People were in an uproar when Jesse was released. Why? The man broke his neck in the ring and was wanting to wrestle and TNA released him. Later on, it was revealed that he was not medically cleared to wrestle and I can understand TNA not wanting that liability. It’s a business too and a liability can hurt the company. However, my issue with TNA releasing these people is that they brought in Rampage Jackson. Yeah, the MMA fighter Rampage Jackson. Why? What is his purpose in TNA? His debut he stared down Kurt Angle and then he was announced as a member of the Main Event Mafia.


How does a guy who has never wrestled get a main event spot? It’s like the August 1st episode of Impact Wrestling. AJ Styles and Austin Aries put on a hell of a match and it wasn’t the main event. A non-wrestler in a faction facing another faction in something no one wants to see. Rampage belongs in an octagon and not in a wrestling ring. These ploys seem like the thing TNA is trying to do to get more viewers from MMA fans but if they are, great, but they’re losing their most important fan base.

Wrestling fans.

Wrestling fans don’t want to see MMA guys in a wrestling ring. And MMA guys don’t want to see a wrestler in the octagon. Batista realized that, Bobby Lashley realized that, and even Brock Lesnar realized that. Lesnar was more successful but no pure MMA fan wanted him to succeed. They saw him as a wrestler. Not a legit fighter. That’s how wrestling fans will take Rampage Jackson. A MMA guy who is not a legit wrestler. However, he’s not the only issue I have with TNA. But it comes from the same, family, I suppose.

Let’s dive into the #August1Warning, shall we? I know you all are waiting for this.

Oh, it’s the end of the line,
I’m cornered by a precedent; the sneering public eye

Here was this, seemingly, out of nowhere announcement of a new wrestler coming to TNA. Dixie Carter (and don’t think I forgot about her) made it a point to tell us he was not under contract in TNA. This person made videos, a twitter account, and people were curious to see who it was. There were three rumors about who it could be. Low Ki, Bob Holly, and Tito Ortiz.

When I saw it could be Low Ki, I was kind of looking forward to it. I’m a big Low Ki fan and it would have been something different. Bob Holly I wasn’t too keen on because I’ve never been a fan (now Crash Holly, on the other hand, is awesome). Tito Ortiz… I pissed on the thought. They wouldn’t do that. TNA has to be smarter than that.

Well, you can only imagine who it was.

When Tito Ortiz came out as the #August1Warning, the crowd had NO reaction. See what I previously said about Rampage and apply it to this. That’s not all though. TNA dropped the ball so hard with this. People were actually hyped for something TNA was doing. That hasn’t happened in a long long time. They could have brought viewers back and brought new ones in. However, TNA did this because Spike TVhas some kind of hard on for Bellator. It’s funny, too, because Bellator is garbage. It’s pretty much like WWE is the UFC and Bellator is TNA. Tito doesn’t bring ANYTHING to TNA. It hurts TNA to the point of no return. TNA has all these money problems and they bring in Tito instead of a wrestler who can help their promotion. Real quick, let me see a show of hands to who will watch TNA more because they brought in Tito Ortiz?

Don’t worry… I’ll wait.

it is better to destroy than to create what is meaningless

TNA also has this problem that they want to be like other promotions, mainly the WWE. This has and always will be a problem for me when it comes to TNA. WWE doesn’t try to be like TNA. They don’t see you as a threat so TNA shouldn’t see WWE as nothing but an alternative. TNA has to put on their own product with their OWN ideas to make things work. People want something different when they tune in on Thursdays and giving us WWE lite is not something us wrestling fans want to see. PWG, AIW, AAW, ROH and all the other promotions don’t try to be like WWE or TNA. They are their own and that’s why they have a strong fanbase. That is why they have success in their independent markets. In wrestling, you have to have an identity.

WWE has one.

Ring Of Honor has one.

TNA doesn’t. It’s one of their most telling downfalls.

retract the accolade, the candid acclaim
inspiration is cutting its loss

Lastly, and something I know I had fun with, was #AskDixie. Now, if you’re not aware of what that is… god, where do I begin? Dixie Carter, President of TNA, reached out to Twitter to get fan input. I’m gonna stop for a second. Let me put a situation out there for you good people. Say you’re the president of a struggling wrestling promotion. You’re not doing anything to please your fans. Do you go to Twitter, a place where most of your disgruntled fans reside, and ask for their input?

No. Never in a million years.

What followed was days of mocking Dixie Carter, TNA, and how they run their promotion. Dixie released a statement on TNA’s website a few days later saying she should not reply to “hateful” comments. Dixie, you brought that upon yourself. You reached out to Twitter, of all places, looking for input. Do you think Vince McMahon is doing #AskVince and getting fan input? No because he is a smart businessman. Now, I can understand why she did that. She wants to feel “connected” with her fans. This backfired in her face and it made for a great few days on Twitter.

I’m still waiting on a show of hands.

You’ve been fooled again, the red herring’s a joke.

If TNA wants to get themselves back on their feet they need to make smarter budget cuts, not bring in useless talent, and not reach out to angry fans on Twitter. You gotta get your act together. There are tons of wrestling promotions out there that put on a better product than you do who would love to have the money pumped into them and the opportunity to showcase what they have to offer. Unless things change, TNA won’t make it past 2014. They say imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. In TNA’s case, it’s the sincerest form of battery… because they are taking a beating in every direction.

Like what you just read? Didn’t like it? Let me know @hailmegatron or ask me a question Now get off my planet. I have things do to. Until next time, Deceptions…

From Cybertron With Love,


My job here is done.
You’re fucking welcome.

*roll credits*

Read #FCWL Season 1: Episode 1 “Once Upon Your Dead Body”

Read #FCWL Season 1: Episode 2 “The Reign Of Unending Terror”


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