I’m worried that I’ve exhausted Poundland’s supply of cheap wrestling toys. All I could dredge up from my latest dumpster dive was perhaps the final two X-treme Wrestlers in the line and perhaps my toughest challenge yet. Trying to talk up these generic jobbers seems like too herculean a task but in what could very well be my last crappy wrestling toy story I’ll endeavour to give these ludicrous luchadores a fitting eulogy. So Join me as I go back into the toybox and see if I can survive the experience.
Remember the good old days of squash matches? Where an established star would face off against a drably dressed, no-mark “enhancement talent” whose sole purpose was to get beaten and make the star look like a million dollars in the process? Well, I think I may have found the embodiment of that jobber spirit in the first figure, whom I shall dub ‘the Chucklin’ Brawler’.
Like the last lot of wannabe CZW jobbers, ‘Ragged Ronnie Garbage’ here is blessed with the same lumpen torso and woeful build quality of all his brethren but it’s his plain all black onesie that really makes him stand out as woefully indistinct. Even with his tiny dollops of vaguely native American facepaint can’t hide his lack of originality. Geez, even his accessories are stolen from another figure with his novelty chainsaw and guardrail combo. Sadly, Chucklin Brawler is just as forgettable as any jobber and twice as awful.
Injuries in wrestling are sadly par for the course but our second and final figure, whom I’ve decided to name ‘TweeCosis’ has come very prepared seen as he came packaged with a crutch and foot cast in case himself or anyone else gets a boo-boo being in the ring with TweeCosis and his folding ladder. Away from his boy scout training of always being prepared, TweeCosis is actually a fun little figure. He may not have the novelty of being a straight Mistico rip off and his boring black tights and boots leave him looking dangerously like Brawler from earlier, but his nifty silver and black mask and actually decent possibility mean that he may well be my favourite of these hardcore vanilla midget. Congratulations TweeCosis, way to stick the landing for your brothers in arse.
As always, thanks very much for reading and hopefully I’ll have some more toy reviews soon.
Martin Dixon ( @BunnySuicida )