Woeful Wrestling Figures: Total Nonstop Action….Figures.

Back in 2008, a local discount store took delivery of some clearance stock of TNA action figures, the ones made by ToyBiz before Jakks Pacific nabbed the TNA toy rights and of course I bought one of each figure they had. So while I wait for the postman to deliver my suspect packages, I thought I’d kick off a new mini series by looking over them figure by figure and see if like TNA itself, these figures are also playing catch up to the wwe toys. First up is a craptacular mirror match as two generations of Scott Steiner toys go head to head, one by ToyBiz and one by Jakks I picked up in 2013 to see which one is the true Big Bad Barbie Daddy, and which one only has a 33 & a third chance of being displayed proudly. Welcome to a Tale of Two Steiners!



At first glance the ToyBiz Steiner looks pretty decent, he’s wonderfully lumpy and bulging with plastic muscles and carries an amazing array of poseable joints, including rare finger and even toe articulation, there isn’t an action pose this Steiner can’t do. Sadly, getting him to stay in those poses is another matter entirely as clearly it is never leg day in ToyBiz Steiner’s world. Not only are his pins awfully thin compared with the rest of him, his left leg joints are incredibly weak, to the point that even standing under his own power is often too much for him even as he was taken out of the packet (which is why I assume he was in the discount bin). Thankfully he brought some accesories to lean up against to keep him upright. Not only did ToyBiz Steiner bring a squishy trash can stolen from a Konnan toy back when ToyBiz were making WCW figures, he also has a comically oversized dumbbell to show off with. This is even made of soft plastic so Steiner can bend it and show off to your collection of Bishojo Sailor Moon statues (or is that just my collection?).




The other half of this equation is Jakks Steiner and anyone familiar with their latter run of Elite WWE figures will instantly recognize this Steiner’s pedigree. He brings with him a killer headsculpt that accurately resembles a screaming Steiner and his proportions are spot on, Scott Steiner always looked like he leaped out of Masters of the Universe so the roided out, hulking musculature of Jakks’ design is perfect here. He even boasts more detail than his older brother, with acres more detail paid to his tights designs and silly chest tattoo which on the ToyBiz Steiner looks like it has been drawn on with marker pens. Not so on Jakks Steiner who boasts a level of detail that would make any collector proud to show him off. as far as accessories go he has to settle for second place as although he came packeged with a whole other figure (what? that’s a kind of an accessory) all Jakks Steiner can bring to the fight is a chainmail headdress, that’s all booty and no daddy.


If only ToyBiz Steiner wasn’t so, er, hamstrung by his legs and had a little more attention payed to the finer details he’d be a killer toy for youngins and a great stylised display piece but with like TNA itself, all the good is undercut by many small flaws that sour the product as a whole. These faults leave ToyBiz second place in a two horse race as Jakks Steiner takes the title of “Best TNA era Scott Steiner toy”, which is as prestigious as it sounds.


Scott Steiner wins. FATALITY!!

Thanks for reading.

Martin Dixon (@BunnySuicida)





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