Total Nonstop Action Figures 2: Devon knows I’m miserable now.

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For all the jokes I’ve thrown at TNA for what seems like centuries, it seems that their toys are possibly the best things they ever produced, with the possible exception of the reverse battle royal (that’s a real thing, see Google if you don’t believe me). The quality of merch heading out of the impact zone in the mid-to-late 00’s is perhaps some of the finest I’ve ever come across, quality such as that which festoons Brother Devon here.

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It feels odd to lump Devon in with the rest of the tat that comprises Woeful Wrestling Figures so far but a theme is a theme and there are some flaws to pick at later I suppose but on the whole Bubba Ray’s brother from another mother is an excellent lump of polymer.

First off he feels weighty, dense heavy plastic forms Devon’s very core and he feels a lot more solid and less fragile than the ToyBiz Scott Steiner from last time. As I said then ToyBiz Steiner was horrifically flimsy and unable to stand up under his own power. Not the case with Devon, not only does he feel like he could be used as a blunt weapon in a Dark Souls game, he has more posable joints than I have ever seen in a standard action figure line. Two joints in his neck alone mean there isn’t anything Devon can’t see, double jointed elbows join bicep swivels, multi directional wrists and finger joints to mean that Reverend Green can express himself in any way he can think of (if his head wasn’t made of plastic. And hollow.)

Things get even more impressive as you drift below his belt (stop that giggling). Huge ball-joints at the hips give him a staggering range of movement, as do the double knee joints that move with a satisfying “click” of a ratchet joint at regular intervals (incidentally, my knee also click but aren’t on ratchet joints and are incredibly painful) and you don’t need to be Tony Atlas to fall in love with Devon’s feet as he comes complete with an ankle tilt, not a swivel but a full on ball joint that means when Devon is planted down, he’s not going to topple over without a fight. He also has toe joints but that’s just showing off at this point.

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If there’s one thing that is quintessentially Dudley Boys it’s the humble wrestling table, a species that has a shorter life span than that of a mayfly, so it’s the icing on the cake that Devon came packaged with. This table comes lovingly emblazoned with the copyright dodging ‘Team 3D’ name Brothers Ray & D’von were forced to adopt upon leaving WWE in 2005, you could ask “Devon knows how they make it so legally distinct?” (Bonus points if you got that reference). True to his breed, this table can break apart when some uncaring wrestler dares to dive onto it to recreate all those famous “getting wood” moments. It’s a nice addition to an already great set.

It’s not all sunshine and lollipops however as for all his wonderful joints, Devon’s torso crunch appears to be the suggestion of articulation and instead remains steadfast and immobile which sours some posing potential and for some reason the makers have saddled Devon with the facial expression of someone trying to deal with a particularly painful bowel movement. See, I said there’d be flaws to pick at, in fact I think this may have been the intention and what we have here is a figure of a pooping Devon after all! Truly a woeful wrestling figure then. Phew! Gimmick saved.

Thanks for reading.
Martin Dixon (@BunnySuicida)

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