Woeful Wrestling Figures: An Extra Large Shake.

Throughout the short time I’ve been reviewing wrestling toys I’ve often wondered about the multitude of design decisions that lead up to a figure being put into production and landing on store shelves. Most of the time I can see what someone on the design team saw in an idea, even the Maximum Sweat WWF figures but just hours ago I took delivery of a figure that truly baffles me.

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In 1997, while WCW was riding high atop the wrestling world, someone somewhere in toy makers O.F.S.T. thought to make use of their licence to create WCW action figures to churn out a line so bizarre I honestly don’t feel that I can do it justice here but while I wait for my quintet of face changing figures to arrive for a deluxe sized review, I’d prepare by working up a quick review on this rather curious figure of The Giant.

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Upon first inspection Giant does indeed live up to his name. He’s a pleasantly large and solid figure even if his posing power is laughable being limited to swivelling arms and hips but with no elbow or knee joints, he can only really stand stock still and flex his biceps. That’s okay though, just a few years earlier WCW figures were immovable lumps of plastic courtesy of Galoob so while the posing isn’t up to much compared to WWF toys of the time, it’s far ahead of his little, older brothers.

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BUZZZZZZZZZZZZ!

Left there, O.F.S.T would have produced a mediocre but passable figure and Giant would have avoided a place in this series but the added wrinkle he brings with him passes him and his line mates into infamy.

Just underneath Giant’s left armpit is a curious red growth that looks incredibly out of place. What could this mysterious button do? Does Giant have some extra action feature to offset his woeful movement? Maybe I’ve just hit the jackpot and found a figure that can talk for added hilarity?
If only.

No, none of those, pressing the little red skin tag activates the oddest feature I’ve ever come across in a toy, vibration. Yes, vibration. Really. Giant’s big gimmick is an all over buzzing action feature. I have no earthly idea why or what it is possibly meant to evoke, maybe there was an episode of Nitro where Giant either had shingles or an earthquake struck the arena. This too has it’s faults as the button needs to be held down in order for the vibration to continue meaning there’s no fun to be had watching him shudder and shake across the ring like a motorized American football table top game. It’s insane to think that this was the best thing O.F.S.T could come up with for their figures and insane to think that someone else approved selling a six-inch block of buzzing plastic to people!

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In summary, Giant looks nothing like the source material, barely moves or poses and has an action feature ripped straight from a sex toy. This is as woeful a wrestling figure as it gets.

And I couldn’t be happier than that.

Thanks for reading.
Martin Dixon (@BunnySuicida)

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