Woeful Wrestling Figures: Break Ya Neck.

What did Paul Wight do to earn the ire of the great toy gods? First it was the vibrating lump I got some time ago and now this hilarious totem of terribleness.

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For some context, during both men’s WCW runs, Kevin Nash and the Giant feuded over who was “wrestling’s true giant” and in one of the matches, the pair thought it would be great if Kevin Nash were to perform his signature Jackknife Powerbomb on Giant. Now the combination of a dangerous move being performed on someone well in excess of 300 pounds made for an incredible spectacle, but for all the wrong reasons. Giant would land straight on his head and neck with the world having a collective intake of breath fearing that Giant had been seriously injured or perhaps even worse. Thankfully he hadn’t been debilitated but he did suffer a neck injury which WCW rather callously turned into fuel to keep their rivalry going, with Giant subsequently wrestling for weeks wearing a neckbrace along with his ring gear. This bizarre sight was later immortalised in plastic as a “commemorative set” twin pack featuring Nash and this Giant, a re-molded figure to capture Giant’s awkward neck brace phase and it’s truly woeful in oh so many ways.

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First off is that face, I mean really. It looks like the Cowardly Lion from the Wizard of Oz having an invasive medical procedure. Then there’s the neckbrace from earlier that invites more Joel Gertner comparisons than something aimed at children really ought to.

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My biggest problem with him though is his arms, well probably only his right arm which has sacrificed all articulation for perhaps the worst “action feature” I’ve seen since Macho Man’s can-can dance gimmick. The right arm is a solid lump of plastic, with the only movement being the shoulder and the thumb. Yes the thumb. This is due to the chokeslamming gimmick he has, squeeze his legs together and the hand grasps the opponent by the throat and lifts them into the air. Except it doesn’t really work on mine so he just kind of waves meekly. This is even more tragic as his left arm is fine, with an elbow joint and splayed hand that would’ve been much better for the other side. Oh well the rest of him is alright I guess but I’m left wondering who exactly would want to recreate the interminable Nash/Giant saga. Outside of that this figure has little other uses for play. It’s more of a footnote or display piece from an era when such things didn’t exist. Much like the baffling Commissioner Shawn Michaels toy I have, I fail to see the point beyond getting some cheap laughs and website content some 17 years later. Maybe WCW’s merchandising department were too ahead of their time after all.

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Thanks for reading.
Martin Dixon (@BunnySuicida)

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