Woeful Wrestling Figures: Mirror, Signal, WHAT A MANEUVER!

“They see me rolling, they’re hating…”

Yes indeedy doo it’s once again time to plunge elbow deep into the toy box of the past and emerge with a worrying rash and clutching a wonderful slab of pure polymer perfection, a WCW Road Raging Goldberg figure and his beefed up, tricked out personal pick up truck.

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As soon as I saw this thing I knew I had to have it. Just look at that deep vibrant red paint job and that glistening gold chrome. Everything about this thing grabs the attention at first glance and reveals even more loveliness upon closer inspection that shows that some real care and attention went into the creation of this Bill Goldberg machine.

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Gazing at that marvellous red paint job reveals that the plastic has been infused with little flecks of gold throughout. This adds a lovely sheen as it moves along and really adds a feeling of luxury and prestige to this set. The same goes for the gleaming golden chrome that wraps around the truck, highlighting and accentuating every facet. Starting at the front you’re immediately hit with an ostentatious and delightfully gaudy chrome plastic representation of Big Bill’s famous tattoo so you know exactly who just ploughed into you, with the same at the back to remind you as it speeds away. Sweeping down each side is a golden exhaust as well as a pimpin’ Goldberg logo and the whole thing is topped off beautifully with an epic raised golden engine block that blazes red when you break out the light and sounds that are the cherry on a particularly excellent cake.

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Yes that’s right, not content with just using its striking paint & chrome to steal the spotlight, Goldberg’s custom ride breaks out a killer light and sound show to dominate space. Imbedded in the back of the truck are two conspicuous WCW emblazoned buttons, pressing one causes the headlights, spotlights and engine block to light up blazing whites and reds and a revving engine noise to strike fear in the hearts of anyone caught in its path. Pressing the other logo lets Goldberg himself talk a little trash with phrases such as “My Tattoo is tougher than you”. Oooooo, scary.

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In addition to this marauding motor vehicle, Goldberg himself puts in an appearance with a neat variant figure to sit begins the wheel of this fine automobile. Pseudo-casual Goldberg here is dressed in an extremely snug black singlet that is essentially painted on and some spangly gold highlighted driving gloves & kneepads to complete the look. Sadly my example is a bit faded but it’s still a neat ‘Player 2’ outfit for Billy-boy. One nice side effect of having this set is that I can finally show off just how many parts were “appropriated” from this mold for Mike Awesome‘s lamentable plastic avatar.

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It’s not all polymer perfection though as sadly having Goldberg’s head poking out of the truck’s roof when he’s driving means that this mean mother of motorised muscle comes off looking like a novelty go-kart instead of a road wrecker but sizing issues aside this is still a superlative speed demon of a thing.

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Given WCW’s notoriety for splurging money on personalised Monster Trucks on TV it’s incredibly fitting that their toys branched out into personal mobility. As garish and bizarre as this is it’s simply a joy to look at and play around with, looks great on display and is a pleasure to say that I own.

There seems to be a few different types of these sets produced for various other wrestlers and you can be sure I’ll be looking out for any more I can lay my hands on. These are great concepts that move wrestlers closer to the superheroes some of us see them as. I just wish such wacky concepts could still flourish today, but that’s another story for another time.

Thanks for reading.
Martin Dixon (@BunnySuicida)

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