Woeful Wrestling Figures: Goldzilla VS Nashra

In the best of 2016 list I featured a giant Goldberg figure among my favourites, mostly because I couldn’t quite believe how ludicrously big it was. So imagine my joy upon discovering on a certain online auction site a figure that dwarfs even Big Bill. Ladies and gentlemen, call the kaiju defence force as I unveil my 12 inch Big Sexy (ahem).

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Hailing from Toybiz’s legendary Tuff Talkers line of WCW action figures, This hulking behemoth of a Kevin Nash figure is a deeply impressive polymer powerhouse when stood towering over standard sized wrestlers.

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He’s an immensely weighty beast too, full of dense, heavy plastic giving him a real solid feel and an air of decadent design that carries through a great deal of the Kaiju Nash experience.

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With a figure of such immense size it’s pleasant to see an incredible level of artistry and sculpting on display on Nash here. Goldberg is a fine looking figure but he’s just a bald dude in trunks when all said and done. Quad-imodo Kevin is full of lush detailing from his flowing, lustrous hair and exquisitely rendered outfit, with every strand of that red fringing down each leg captured in plastic.

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Sadly the articulation of these figures is somewhat lacking while Kev has arm rotation and hip and knee movement he has no movement in his elbows, waist or neck. It’s not quite a deal breaker, but it does make for a frustrating time posing him for photos for a low-tier toy review blog.

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The reason for some of this limited movement is these figures’ main gimmick apart from their hulking size. This line of figures can actually cut their own promos on each other! Yes indeed while talking figures were nothing new in 1999, ones that could talk to each other were extremely novel. Pair up two of the figures and their mouths with flap open and closed and they spout a series of jibes and targeted taunts to their opposite number. It’s all rather entertaining when it works which sadly in my case isn’t very often. It seems 18 years of prior play have left the electronics in all three of these figures I have (Nash & two Goldbergs, don’t ask) in a state of perpetual “not working”. Still, at least I can offer these fellas a dignified place on my shelves in their golden years.
I’m loathed to call these figures ” woeful” as I adore the sheer bloody decadence of Toybiz to release giant, almost sentient wrestlers upon an unsuspecting marketplace. They’re lumbering, stiff brutes that are little more than statues but they are interesting and quite unlike anything before or since and that is what I want out of subjects for this blog and hopefully, you do too.
Thanks for reading.
Martin Dixon

(@BunnySuicida)

Promotional consideration paid for by the following!

I have a book! Yes after many long years of sitting on my work, I’ve collected the second volume of Wrestling in the Clinton years in a handy eBook form. Read about how WCW spent Monday nights up until the formation of the nWo in The Road to Hollywood.

Buy Wrestling in the Clinton Years: The Road to Hollywood on Kindle here!

 

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