Oh Jakks Pacific, what were you sniffing back in the early 2000s? Actually, I bet it was rubber fumes, because that would explain what I've got to show you this edition of either Woeful Wrestling Figures or Action Figure Fight Club. (I'm torn on the rebranding) Everyone, say hello to WWE Unleashed Booker T. So … Continue reading Woeful Wrestling Figures: Dead from the waist down.
The cheers of the German crowd throughout the stadium sounded like rumbles of thunder as the bell ring. Once again Super Estrella Jr had proven himself by successfully defending his heavyweight wrestling championship and stood triumphant among a snowstorm of confetti and adulation. His opponent this time was well trained and skilled but Estrella was … Continue reading WRESTLEFICTION: WRESTLE GALAXY 1
Given that according to the internet we're all allowed to like Sonic the Hedgehog again thanks to the release of Sonic Mania, I think it's time for me to come in from the cold and admit that I, Martin S Dixon, am a Sonic fan and always have been. Now that's out of the way, … Continue reading Action Figure Fight Club: Gotta Go Fast!
Yes, yes. I know it's been a while since the last one of these but it's here now. Time to give the woeful wrestling figures arena a sweep and welcome its newest signing. It's only Buff Bagwell! Hailing from the wonderful wasteland that was latter WCW figures, Buff Daddy comes packing a lot of fun … Continue reading Woeful Wrestling Figures: Buff Diddy.
There was a palpable sense of elation in the musty, recycled air. The flying aces of Fox Squadron had just returned to the capital ship ESS Sanchez after a highly successful bombing raid against another of General No-Leege's doomsday weapons and the entire ship was joined in welcoming them home. Well, almost the entire ship. … Continue reading Dave 27 Cleans toilets in space. A Short story.
As I’ve listened to it throughout the years since its release in 1991 “Justified and Ancient (Stand by the JAMs)” feels like pop music’s best attempt at making a mad-lib into a legitimate hit. Acid House? Hip Hop? Tammy Wynette? “The Justified Ancients of Mu Mu”? And then there’s the video: Dancing on a throne? … Continue reading Unskippable: Justified & Ancient by the KLF feat. Tammy Wynette.
In the best of 2016 list I featured a giant Goldberg figure among my favourites, mostly because I couldn't quite believe how ludicrously big it was. So imagine my joy upon discovering on a certain online auction site a figure that dwarfs even Big Bill. Ladies and gentlemen, call the kaiju defence force as I … Continue reading Woeful Wrestling Figures: Goldzilla VS Nashra
Alright, it's been long enough I think. Time once again to not do my homework and peer at a lamentable lump of plastic putrescence and document my findings. I do this for science, not clicks. As luck would have it, Samoa Joe has just made a rather memorable debut on Monday Night Raw, proving that … Continue reading Woeful Wrestling Figures: Yo Joe!
Alright, let's get 2017 started in the right way, with crappy toys instead of expensive fireworks, gallons of alcohol, nameless party guests and the ever-present threat of a social disease. Denial ain't just a river in Egypt. The Christmas season may be over for another 11 and a bit months but I come from the … Continue reading Woeful Wrestling Figures: A Little Pump ‘N’ Grind.
Happy holidays Internet, 'tis the season to make list posts (fa la la la la, etc) and being the hack fraud that I am I've decided to get a piece of clickbait pie and try to put a full stop at the end of my fraught journey through this mad, bad and very weird year … Continue reading Woeful Wrestling Figures: 2016 A Toy Odyssey.