Someone at Mattel gets me. Like, *really* gets me. There's nothing I like more in my wrestling figures than the occasional absurdity amid the standard pursuit of realism. No figures best illustrate this than the WWE Mutants line. Taking wrestlers' gimmicks to an illogical extreme is just my kind of crazy, the kind of crazy … Continue reading Woeful (?) Wrestling Figures: Demon Daze.
Oh Jakks Pacific, what were you sniffing back in the early 2000s? Actually, I bet it was rubber fumes, because that would explain what I've got to show you this edition of either Woeful Wrestling Figures or Action Figure Fight Club. (I'm torn on the rebranding) Everyone, say hello to WWE Unleashed Booker T. So … Continue reading Woeful Wrestling Figures: Dead from the waist down.
Alright, it's been long enough I think. Time once again to not do my homework and peer at a lamentable lump of plastic putrescence and document my findings. I do this for science, not clicks. As luck would have it, Samoa Joe has just made a rather memorable debut on Monday Night Raw, proving that … Continue reading Woeful Wrestling Figures: Yo Joe!
Alright, let's get 2017 started in the right way, with crappy toys instead of expensive fireworks, gallons of alcohol, nameless party guests and the ever-present threat of a social disease. Denial ain't just a river in Egypt. The Christmas season may be over for another 11 and a bit months but I come from the … Continue reading Woeful Wrestling Figures: A Little Pump ‘N’ Grind.
Happy holidays Internet, 'tis the season to make list posts (fa la la la la, etc) and being the hack fraud that I am I've decided to get a piece of clickbait pie and try to put a full stop at the end of my fraught journey through this mad, bad and very weird year … Continue reading Woeful Wrestling Figures: 2016 A Toy Odyssey.
I had it all figured out. A schedule of reviews planned, photos taken, subjects procured, I was on top of my game. Was on top of my game that is, until this wonderful lump of bootleg gorgeousness arrived at my door and shredded all my plans. Oh fake Adam Bomb, you're bloody lucky I like … Continue reading Woeful Wrestling Figures: Up and Atom!
Now this is a nice novelty. Normally I review something from toyboxes of the past but this time I've got a pair of toys so hot and fresh out of the oven I have to wear gloves to hold them. I speak of course of the new kids on campus, WWE Zombie figures. Zombies … Continue reading Woeful Wrestling Figures : Undead and loving it.
"They see me rolling, they're hating..." Yes indeedy doo it's once again time to plunge elbow deep into the toy box of the past and emerge with a worrying rash and clutching a wonderful slab of pure polymer perfection, a WCW Road Raging Goldberg figure and his beefed up, tricked out personal pick up truck. … Continue reading Woeful Wrestling Figures: Mirror, Signal, WHAT A MANEUVER!
Come with me now on a trip back to the heady days of 2005, a time before the credit crunch, before selfie sticks and before Brexit with a quintet of my favourite figures I've encountered so far as a connoisseur of craptacular toys and serve as a perfect example of pre-housing crisis toy manufacturing decadence. … Continue reading Woeful Wrestling Figures:Changing Faces
Throughout the short time I've been reviewing wrestling toys I've often wondered about the multitude of design decisions that lead up to a figure being put into production and landing on store shelves. Most of the time I can see what someone on the design team saw in an idea, even the Maximum Sweat WWF … Continue reading Woeful Wrestling Figures: An Extra Large Shake.